Wedding advice for the most laidback couples...
Can't you just capture candid wedding photos of us?
Marnie & Toby - Southwark Town Hall Wedding
Sounds ideal right?
Emma & Tristan - Costwolds Wedding Weekend
Here’s the ideal scenario: You just ‘do’ your wedding day.
It all runs smoothly - the speeches are the perfect level of laughs to tears, the ceremony is personalised and emotional, you floated around your drinks reception together like royalty and had deep and meaningful conversations with all your nearest and dearest. You get your photos back and it’s full of beautifully framed moments in perfect light as you chatted and cheers-ed.
I mean that’s absolutely the goal. But can I give you the advice I would say if I wasn’t afraid to hurt your feelings?
Real weddings don’t work like that.
Something breaks, someone panics, the timeline implodes, great Auntie Hilda knocks your veil/buttonhole off and Uncle Rob chucks a glass of red wine over Nana. The best conversation you had was in a room so dark it feels like a broom cupboard, and apart from ‘I do’ you spent zero time together.
And that’s totally normal. (And amazing moments to be captured by the way. It’s real and it very much reflects your wedding).
But the point I came here to make was sometimes moments need to be given time to unfold. Like anything you need to build in some time to relax into a moment and most importantly if you want to be caught candidly together - you need to spend some time together.
What’s more normal (and slightly less exaggerated than Nana’s red wine incident) is that you head to your people and your partner heads over to chat to their people. Sometimes you can be stuck at opposite sides of the room during the speeches. I’ve watched it happen.
What does that mean? No candid interactions of you on your wedding day.
So what do we do about it?
Here’s the ultimate wedding advice to get those candid wedding photographs of you two on your wedding day.
01. Plan to spend your wedding day together.
You’ll have to make an effort to work that room as a unit together or you will get drawn in two different directions and if that happens - it’s totally fine. It’s your wedding day and you want to hang out with the humans that made the effort to be there for you. Try some of my other suggestions as a back up.
02. Plan in some moments for just you two.
That can be a private fizz post-ceremony, a post-speeches stroll, a first look at the end of prep or a late night whiskey. Whatever speaks to your love language, put it on the timeline and tell your photographer so they can be involved. It’s a way to guarantee some candid portrait time. Also portraits are a thousand times easier if you have something to do - a champagne spray, a secret cake cut, a thumb war. You do you.
03. Have a sweetheart table
This is a way to have some breathing space during your day and a break from the mass socialising. It’s a table at dinner for just you two (instead of a top table). You share your first meal of married life and you can see all of your guests having a great time. Perfect for the introverted couples that need a moment of headspace amongst the congratulations and canapés.
04. Put portrait time pockets into your timeline (ask your photographer)
The perfect time is usually as your guests find their seats for dinner. You come out to a couple of quiet and pretty spots for some photos as you’d be surprised how long it takes 100 people to locate a chair and sit down! This way you don’t feel like you’re missing out on anything, you’re well set up for a proper entrance and you have your portraits that you’ll treasure. It’s also great for a big breath out. You’d be surprised how intense mass socialising can be.
But you don’t have to worry about this too much. I can choose the right moments for you and also read the room and energy levels.
I personally like to take you out after all the formalities are finished (usually when the sun is lower) your speeches are over and you’re a lot more relaxed.
The secret to great candid-style photos is how you are feeling. The more relaxed you are, the more that will come across in the photos.
05. Stay connected. Literally.
Another secret to those effortless looking shots is physically touching each other - a handhold, a linked arm, a nose boop - whatever your love language, it’s the interactions between you that make those wedding photos sing. It doesn’t have to be instagram level touchy feely though if that’s not your vibe. My favourite photo from my own wedding we’re both crying laughing at my dad’s song/speech and in fits of giggles. My back is to my husband but I’m leaning into his shoulder. But we had no idea the camera was there and it looks like us living our best lives at our absolute happiest.
06. Hold hands/finger tips/ feet in your ceremony
It’s not a school awards day, it’s your wedding. And although registrars can seem scary and a bit like a head teacher, you are allowed to hug who you would like to (big cuddles as bridesmaids/bestmen/flower grannies at the top of the aisle are completely acceptable and actively encouraged) and you are allowed to hold hands/link arms or touch whilst the person conducting your ceremony marries you! Trust me, the photos of you standing with your hands by your side are not the ones you’ll love.
So the main things to remember here are you don’t have to stick to traditions.
You can hug whoever you like on your wedding day, at any point, even if there is a string trio playing and someone about to walk up the aisle. If you want to hug - hug. And you are definitely allowed to hold onto your partner when you get married.
Make back up time to spend together. Just in case you do separate during drinks (it’s totally normal). You then have a back up plan to get the candid photos you want.
Great candid photos require breathing space and relaxation. And on a wedding day there needs to be space on the timeline to allow for that.
It’s your wedding day. Celebrate how you want and remember to celebrate with your partner too.
